It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
