I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why did my mother make you get naked?
God, I missed his penis.
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