So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So many bounce houses so little time
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
