I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
