Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
