So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize