I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
