If you die in college, do you die in real life?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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