good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
