just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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