I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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