Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
