Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
