Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
