I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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