you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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