i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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