dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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