You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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