I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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