no, he came in my armpit
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
