so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just pee around me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
