You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
