took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
