I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this will be a night to untag.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
