I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
