U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
