why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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