I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
