She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
