beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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