Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
