I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
