So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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