What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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