i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
