My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
