Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
