I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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