it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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