that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
