I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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