I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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