i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
did i just pee glitter
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
