So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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