I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?