I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
