epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina