youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude