ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.