I need help removing her.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.