Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!