maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
