If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
