i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
