she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
