I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
