In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
