I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize