we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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