i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
