Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
