i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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