fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
