drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
