Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
