My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
