I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I smell like Dick and happiness
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