(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
