I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
