I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
