This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize